A LIGHT THAT SHINES ON ME

At the end of anything I suppose, you reflect. Walking out of the theatre last week it was a cursory reflection. The movie was alright, I stayed awake and there was a sense of closure in the end. I didn’t reexamine the plot or take issue with the acting. I know what I like but I’m not a critic. It was a movie. We are about to drop the curtain on this calendar year, 2016. I remember years that were remarkable, years when the times seemed to be inching forward, toward a safer, saner place. It depends I suppose on where you were, how you slept, if payday came and you still had some money from the week before. But 2016 has been just another year. I know about the squeaky wheel still I’ll not complain. Considering the big number on my odometer, I’m in good shape for the shape I’m in.

Talk about good years; 1962 was a good year. I was in a good place, slept well, made $90 a week and it carried me through. 1970, graduate school; the joy of discovery. I was still young and I knew it. After that, the career years were full and rewarding but it was like falling down a long staircase. Sometimes you get right side up but it doesn't last. I was still young but it didn’t feel like it. In spite of wars, riots and civil unrest, of corruption and recession, I have never been put between a rock and the a place. But I see it all around me. I wake up thinking about human inhumanity and the contradiction there. If I could be indifferent to the sorrows of the world, the sorrows of those lees fortunate, I could bask in my own glow. But that would make me a Republican by default and that would be unbearable. Being a Democrat would be painful enough but therapy and drugs might ease that load.

I have great hope for 2017. I pursue hope rather than lean on faith. I prefer open ended possibility to any brand of absolute belief.  Emily Dickinson said, “Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.” That’s how I would usher in the new year. Make it black eyed peas and cabbage for good luck and I’ll turn to music for a thin thread of peace. I saw the 2016 Kennedy Center Honors broadcast this week. Both James Taylor and Mavis Staples were among the honorees. In 2010 when Paul McCartney was tapped, they sang together in his honor, ‘Let It Be’. J.T. and Mavis Staples, “. . . when all the broken hearted people, living in the world agree; there will be an answer, let it be.”  Then, in a seamless riff, they slid into ‘HeyJude’. Everybody was singing, “Hey Jude, don’t make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better.” I anticipated the fade out; “Nah, nah, nah, nah: nah-nah-nah-naaah.” I don’t know how long it lasted but it was over too soon.

I hope this time next year I can reflect with more enthusiasm, with a clear conscience. Corny and childish as it may sound, I hope for a culture shift toward reconciliation rather than getting even.  “Though the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me . . .”