HABIT FORMING: DAY 437

  Yesterday my coffee group met, for real, at Panera’s in Brookside, KC, MO. They were there a few days earlier but I was swimming and missed the meetup. Our table was full, 9 at the long table with a short table added on at the end and I took the last chair. We were a good distance from the booth section and all vaccinated so it was maskless. I was so, so excited to read lips again. My hearing aids work but the lip thing is hardwired by now. Funny, the ladies were at one end, all leaning in while at the other end we were leaning back, talking louder I suppose. It is hard to express how good it felt to recreate that high-end human chemistry. Before Covid we met six mornings a week, not everybody every day but a good mix was typical. Easing into the new normal the plan is, I understand, to meet now on Tuesday & Friday. 
I sat by Ken, maybe not as old as me but well into retirement. A business man, he had owned several companies, was mayor of a small city in Minnesota and a conservative republican for most of that time. I know his history very well but after such a long time, we both revisited well worn versions and extrapolations, verbatim or indirectly, those familiar stories with no issues about repeating common knowledge. 
Ken’s wife passed away when his kids were in high school. Once they were out of college he sold his business, investing in real estate. He wanted more freedom to travel so he became a landlord with multiple, residential properties. His experience with renters ran contrary to his previous perceptions and common sense expectations. He told me again, from over 20 years of being a landlord, his best renters were people of color. Unexpectedly, majority white’s who had steady jobs were much more likely to tear up things, slow to pay or skip out.  Here was Ken telling me, “The conservative, free will, take responsibility model sounds great when you see it from the top down but from the bottom up, it’s a mine field.” I’ve known that fact forever but it’s nice hearing it from someone else. We both echoed the same observation: the most important decision you will ever make is choosing your parents. Pick wrong and your chances of economic success range from slim to none. Born-again Capitalists delight in condescending, self righteous, white privilege and Adam Smith’s invisible hand is the butcher’s thumb on the scale.  
I’ll probably sit next to someone else next time but the group is diverse as can be and something good is bound to happen. Drew is a retired systems engineer (not the train kind) and probably the smartest, deepest well of useful information I know. He is an even better listener, steel trap memory, but when he throws out an interesting tidbit or the “Rest of the story”, you can count on it. Fred is an old pioneer from universities first efforts to make psychology research more data driven, no more anecdotal exceptions or theoretic supposition. They still come after him to be on one task force or another but he has pretty much told them, “No thanks.” He likes his beer in a frosted mug. Bob is a survivor of the “If it feels good, Hippy 60’s & 70’s.” He got in early on the IT revolution, out early as well. He is incredibly well read and likes to have the last word. If your ego is easily bruised he might be too much too soon but never boring. Coffee at Panera’s is not only tasty and entertaining but habit forming as well. 

I'M GOOD: DAY 435

  In the movie ‘Captain & Commander. Far Side Of The World’ the plot is set around 1830 on board the 10 gun British war ship, HMS Beagle. At the time, France and England were at war and the movie revolves around the Beagle and a 44 gun French frigate. On a foggy morning the English Captain (Russell Crowe) is alerted. For a split second the dense fog had eased and something, maybe something, had been seen off the bow in the distance but the fog closed in again and they all stood there, straining for a glimpse of something, maybe. Crowe asks the watch, “Did you see it or did you not?” The young sailor replies in effect, “Maybe” he wasn’t sure. The Captain grew intense, “Damn it man, yes or no.” It could be after all, a matter of life or death. Again, the sailor couldn’t commit to what he did or did not see. Crowe’s character squints through his spyglass, ponders, waits and looks again. 
Imagine on the foggiest of nights you can barely see across the street. Looking left and right all there is, is fog-soup. Then, many houses down on the next block someone blinks their little, 40 watt porch light several times in a two-second display and all goes dark again; you question, did I really see that? Captain Aubrey, (Crowe) saw the faint, distant flashes in the fog and knew exactly. He screamed out for all to hit the deck and cover their heads. As they were diving for cover a volley of cannon fire ripped across the deck and through the masts and sails, followed by the rumble of far away guns. They had been seen first and the French Captain had drawn first blood. Captain Aubrey and the Beagle escape in the fog. Mismatched and outgunned, the Beagle ultimately prevails but being the underdog certainly improves the plot. 
With regard to Covid-19, I feel like the Beagle’s crew when daylight came and the French frigate was nowhere to be seen, spared. I was mismatched and outgunned (high risk) so I took prudent action, face down on the deck. There were no “Hoax” pretenders on the Beagle that day and anyone suggesting the attack was no more than “Sniffles & sneeze” would have been thrown overboard. But that was a movie. This past year has been cloaked in the reality of pandemic, straining to see through the dark with a foggy spyglass. 
I take comfort is some restored freedom and my newly acquired immunity but like ‘Yogi’ said, “It ain’t over ’til it’s over.” I don’t know when I’ll wake up and move on, ambivalent to social distance aftermath. The new normal won’t feel right until the old one has lost its salt. How am I doing! I’m good, a year older and my gears need some grease but then, maybe that’s the good news. 

WHY & HOW DOES THAT WORK? DAY 424

  Who would spend a cool, gray, May morning thinking about metacognition? I don’t know either but here I am, thinking about thinking. I try to visualize just about everything. If I cannot put it in a visual context then I work at a disadvantage, leaning heavily on metaphors and models. Some models are detailed, miniature replicas of the real thing while others are abstract facsimiles, like a stick man sketched on a napkin. It just needs to be enough to bridge a path between ideas. Real cars are too big to fit in your pocket and real people have facial features, knees & elbows but the bridge is there and it works. We do the same thing with metaphors, “That guy is just a barking dog.” we can presume that he is a person but the message is, he makes a lot of noise, not unlike a barking dog. 
We want students not only to solve problems but also to learn how to solve problems, learn how to learn. That is what “Thinking about thinking.” is all about. There is a big fly buzzing on the window. I have a flyswatter but I don’t know where. I do have a news paper at hand. So I take two bits of unrelated imagery, information and put them together in a new or different way. People think about what other people think. “I wonder if he remembered my birthday.” We think we are the only animals that can do that. Dolphins and whales may come close but we don’t know enough to be sure. If you get creative, memory + imagination (what if. . .) what’s to keep you from changing poker rules so so instead of winners taking the other’s money, the losers have to take their clothes off? 
‘Creative’, it goes well with ‘Imagination’. But likewise, I think, a lot of it has to do with native curiosity. “Why after all, and how does that work? I just want to know.” That’s hard to teach if it comes late or out of order; much like motor skills that develop in a particular order. Babies sit first then crawl, stand and walk in that order. There is a ‘Right’ time and if you get out of sync, things get more difficult. Little kids tend to mimic their adult role models. Nearly all nature enthusiasts can pinpoint a childhood experience with a trusted adult that fosters awe and wonder for nature and things natural. 
I can’t say I remember a pivotal moment but my mother would have been that adult. Once in the garden she took a lady bug from a plant and transferred it to my hand. “Point your finger straight up,” she said “and hold still.” So I did, holding it close up in front of my face. The tiny beetle started climbing, up to the tip of my finger. For a split second it perched there. Red with black spots, no bigger than my fingernail, her wing covers (Elytra) they swung open like gull wing doors on a Mercedes Benz, delicate little wings unfolded and she flew so quick I almost missed it. She was gone and we were delighted. 
I never missed a chance to pick up a salamander or a ring-neck snake or a grub, take it to show her. When I did she always made time for me. Like wow! Salamanders don’t have claws. I didn’t have to be told to let it go, put it back where I found it. Why? “Because God created them and gave them a purpose.” How does that work? “Nature depends on a balance between all living things and the salamander is important even if we don’t know exactly what makes it so.” Metacognition, how did I get this way? My mom, maybe untrained but certainly a source of wonder and awe for the natural world. She might not be the reason but we were together in the right place when that light was lit. 
Reading this piece doesn’t satisfy any real need but the process, the writing wasn’t bad. Metacognition, sort of like scratching an itch, it just seems to happen. It can show up uninvited and go away as easily, or yield to something else that had been lost for the moment. Why is that? How does that work?

EVEN A PENNY MORE: DAY 418

  I have been listening to and discussing with friends, a packaged lecture series titled, “A Skeptic’s Guide To History”. We are 5 or 6 lectures deep into the 24 part program and the prospect of so many episodes is a little intimidating. People who create instructional material for online consumption, they give us more verbiage than necessary. A lot is just time consuming repetition. After all, 24 lectures require more time than 15 and they get paid by the minute. Still, it gives rise to the fact that one’s view on any subject depends not only on what information you have (believe) but also on what ever else there is that you didn’t know.
With American History, skepticism roots out controversial elements about the nation’s Founding Fathers (FF’s) that today would be extreme if not treason. Most colonists (large majority) considered themselves to be Englishmen, loyal to the crown. Their problem wasn’t with the king but with parliament and it wasn’t as much about taxes as having no say in North American oversight. They didn’t want a revolution or a democracy, only some wiggle room and a voice. 
A good place to start with the Skeptic’s guide was; how did a bunch of farmers overcome the greatest army in the world? What Russia did (1962) in Cuba and the USA (2003) in Iraq is consistent with long standing precedent. France (1776) did the same thing in the colonies. They supported an underdog insurgency in a faraway place with military might and money, at the expense of their undeclared enemy (England). All things be told, King Louis XVI should be enshrined as an American Hero of the highest order. The role France played in our revolution has been grossly understated in terms of war ships, sailors, foot soldiers, supplies, command advisors and money. In France it has been conveniently dismissed for the sake of diplomacy, no less than American Imperialism (1900/1920) in Central America. But we want to claim our own heroic legacy and when you write your own history you get what you want.
America’s (FF’s) were never of a same mind. The 13 colonies identified as independent states, not as a union. They didn’t like, didn’t trust each other and never, ever wanted a democracy. For affluent, educated, land holding, white men of European descent, ‘Equality’ was not only a dirty word, it was an insult and a threat to their long standing aristocracy. It wasn’t until 50 years later, the 1830’s that President Andrew Jackson changed voting rights to include all white men, even common peasants. Each state saw themselves competing with each other in every category, slavery in particular and they aligned themselves accordingly, setting up the Civil War. 
Without conceding to a ‘Conspiracy’ mentality, skepticism simply keeps asking questions that require valid, transparent, reliable resolution, even when the news is bad. Two nearly synonymous phrases that shed light on the concept are ‘Skepticism’ and ‘Scientific Method’. They guarantee a different practice than formalizing a solution before you frame the question, which fits the conspiracy model very well. I remember when, then Supreme Court Justice, Anthony Scalia was recognized as the champion of interpreting the constitution literally, as it was written. Every current court case must be ruled upon from the same precedent as put forth in the original constitution with no (not any) consideration for changing times, conditions or the needs of a diverse, evolving, cultural reality. The irony there; the (FF’s) again, they couldn’t agree on anything. By that time, the only glue to keep that marriage in tact (bullets flying, people were dying and choosing sides - not unlike 2008 Afghanistan) was their common foe, England. So everything written into the contract was left vague, in need of clarification which they intended to address, someday. We are still trying to agree on what vague language means but process designed to agree on something that defies description, to keep kicking the can down the road continues kicking the can down the road.
It’s hard to believe it took me so long to make the connection, Like Washington and Adams, Anthony Scalia didn’t want a democracy either. Modern day Republicans don’t want a democracy, it’s too messy, too inefficient. Democracy would reward undeserving losers with privileges that are rightly afforded to obviously, deserving winners. When the underclass prospers even a penny more than supply & demand would require, the privileged gentry suffers. By that measure, status quo should be not only sustained but also defended, at all cost. They (FF’s mentality) prefer a compromise between authoritarian rule and democratic principles (Federalism) where representatives are appointed or elected to carry on government business, to make and enforce laws. We know how that works, we have the best government money can buy, we know who has deep pockets and who prospers in that arrangement. 
Democrats are different but no better. Right and wrong is whatever we decide and the real deciders have a lock on both power and wealth. Powerful Liberals are no less divisive or self serving than their Conservative counterparts. The give & take of the American freedom experiment has allowed for term limits and a peaceful transition of power until recently (January 6, 2021). So it should not surprise any of us that the rift between progressive people and (FF’s) disciples should turn toxic. This experiment with freedom is still in progress. Ten generations removed from the (FF’s), our leaders still wrestle with the same conflicted priorities. Where do we draw the line between greed and equity, when will enough be enough? I am a skeptic and those are the difficult questions. When Scalia read the “Liberty & Justice for All” part he defaulted to the original, intentionally biased “All” from the 1776 interpretation; wealthy, white men. 
As a disclaimer I would add; the expert presenter was careful to avoid his own political bias, focussing on facts and obvious cause/effect scenarios that would not be thought controversial. My part here, on the other hand, is shaded by my ideological leaning which is to the left of course. But I try to be open and accepting of anything offered in the spirit of sharing. If you want to be taken seriously, you must be open to ideas that feel repugnant in the moment. Beyond that, you must be willing to be wrong. When the logic of an alternate view proves equal to your own bias, you must give it credit. If it changes your view even a little or a lot, it is what it is and you move on. If you can’t do that then all you do is swap insults to gain favor with like minded cohorts. Sadly, we don’t see much open ended dialogue in public discourse. The last thing I want to be is a partisan bigot. They squeal like pigs on their way to the pork chop man, for the sake of the party line, either party. Their bigotry requires nothing more than a deeply seated, tribal loyalty and someone else’s bias. Don’t be a partisan bigot! Reading, thinking, weighing, measuring and certainly reexamining your own beliefs is more work than watching a polarized media outlet but then you skip the squealing and the pork chop man. 

DISCONNECT: DAY 414

  Back in the 1990’s I remember thinking about how long ago the 1960’s had been. Now, in the 2020’s it's déjà vu all over again, thinking how far back the 1990’s have slipped. I’m thinking about March of 2020 and how long ago that seems. My generation and those after me had never been put to this test. Pandemic had been about 3rd world countries or dreadful times from long before our time. I can juggle numbers and dates to make a point but all of humanity was caught flatfooted. Now I have vaccine immunity, good (probably) for at least long enough to learn how soon I need a booster shot and then I’ll get one assuming lots of other things happen like they should. 
Spring has sprung. Yard work keeps me busy and I can socialize again with a select few. But there is a disconnect and I’m afraid the vaccine won’t help there. Flying over the California coast line you can see the San Andreas fault. It takes shape as a pattern of roads with sharp zigs-zags before continuing on their original, straight line path. Someday they may straighten the roads but they can’t undo the geological disconnect. From Atlantic to Pacific, India to Brazil, Covid is still calling the shots. Nobody knows for sure where the present is going. But we’re sophisticated, and smart. We have math and science to fall back on. Still, we couldn’t leapfrog from 12 years-old to 18 like we all wished we could. The disconnect again, and neither can we coax years if not decades of technical advance out of the moment. 
I have enough to keep me busy, I can be outside as much as I like. But still, there is still the disconnect. In the late 1960’s Patty Page was pushing 50, hadn’t had a hit song in a decade. Then she recorded, ‘Is That All There Is?’ She reflects on her life, one event after another from the profound to the mundane she keeps begging the question. I thought her disillusion was more resolution than remorse, "So this is it!" I don’t know if being 50 is a universal tribulation but from this end it seems so. The idea that most of your life is behind you is a sobering revelation. Disillusion comes easy when your boss starts thinking about how much more expensive you are than a young replacement and when you get to the top of the hill you look around and everything is still uphill. 
I can’t complain and I’m not really. I understand that I am trapped in a fleeting moment that keeps renewing itself as I keep growing older. The present renews from one moment to the next but I do not and that’s alright. A former minister at my church once spoke on, ‘Eternity’. All Souls could be just as well named, The Church of Enlightened Doubt. Faith and salvation down’t get much traction there. So the point of his sermon was not about a mythical promise but the tangible present. In a few billion years our star (Sun) will go supernova, swell up like a big, red balloon and literally vaporize everything in our solar system. It has happened before. Our solar system; sun, planets, moons and our ‘Blue Boat Home’ the earth, were formed from star dust left behind from another, even older supernova. At this point units of time become absurd. The disconnect is like yesterday's mosquito bite, bearable but still it begs attention. Humans are hardwired for a sense of eternal purpose, left over circuits from tribal, Stone Age days. Even knowing better, we still have trouble letting it go. When there is no one left to listen it will not change the fact, we were here.