EXCEPT FOR GOD

When I was a child; can’t remember exactly when, but long before I noticed girl-curves, when my wits were being stretched by long division, I had my doubts. The question begged itself. I didn’t have the words, only feelings and vague awareness: Is this a grand conspiracy? Is everybody else in on it and I’m the fall guy? On one particular day, the voice inside my head spoke as clear as could be. I don’t think many admit to hearing the voice or muse if you will, but it comes uninvited and if you ignore it, it goes away. Then when you’d give anything for it to come back, for sake of sanity, it leaves you to fend for yourself. So I listen, every time. That time, I was puzzled by the way my world was unfolding. It, the voice, said, “Except for God, we are alone.” I heard the words. Now days, I take it on very good authority that the subconscious can and does communicate with the conscious, and sometimes it frames itself in language. I’ve never forgotten the moment. It was about being isolated, not about God. Moses thought God spoke to him through a burning bush but I think he was just doing what Joseph Campbell alluded to, attributing to God whatever it is that we don’t understand. 

Another time, much later, as an adult; I was sharing with a friend. Nothing serious or profound but in a moment of clarity I rattled off a story that came out of the blue. I told him that someday, I fully expected a space ship to materialize overhead and a rope to come down. There would be a voice telling me they left me here by mistake in 1939 and had come back for me. That story had never crossed my mind before; the words just came out. The segue came like a reflex arc: Except for God, we are alone, the muse and I. My friend and I laughed at the time. It was a clever thing to say but it wasn’t funny. What is it; why is it that I feel alienated from my own kind? Certainly something in my development pushed my personality in that direction. Was it the middle child syndrome, something else or several somethings? By now it really doesn’t matter what or why. But I think about it. 

Neuroplasticity is a 20th Century revelation that explains the way the brain/mind develops and then how it reorganizes itself throughout a lifetime. It was revealed when victims of brain injury were able to transfer a particular brain function to another part of the brain that was not originally tasked for that purpose. People who had suffered damage to the speech center of the brain were able to learn how to speak again, using areas of the brain that are normally associated with something else. Until that time, it was believed that the brain develops in stages until maturity. Then it would function in a predictable manner, hardwired as it were. 

It has also emerged that the brain/mind behaves through adulthood much like we do, as a work in progress. A good analogy would be the way we redecorate and upgrade our homes. From rearranging furniture to new paint, new carpet, new furniture and lighting; how many homes remain unchanged (hardwired)?  The brain is a light bulb; the mind is the light bulb turned on. The brain is stimulated, the mind interprets and frames meaning, then initiates some kind of response. When you change your mind or the way you feel about something, the brain circuits that hold that program change, rewired rather than hard wired. It may be voluntary or involuntary. The unconscious brain works 24-7. Trying to get your head around that idea is like thinking about what is going on someplace you’ve never been and know nothing about. Memory works at different levels and when we try to remember something, if the memory isn’t there or isn’t complete, that part of the brain can simply fabricate something for us to remember that feels appropriate. The brain fills in blank spaces with its best guess. Every researcher, every judge, every lawyer, every bailiff, every court clerk; they all know that eye witness testimony is the least reliable evidence of any and every type. But collectively, we refuse to believe it. We trust what people remember more so than finger prints, more than chemistry or physics, more than credible documentation - phone records, credit card transactions and such. 

The mind's orientation can and does change. Growing old may slow down the process or limit its range but it continues, even later in life. Certainly personality is more malleable during childhood but adults reversing position on important values and beliefs is not uncommon. It’s like having your GPS guide you to a destination one way yesterday and by a different route today. When the GPS does it you expect it after all; it’s technology. Like the GPS, sometimes the brain takes us places we didn't plan on. Like nature, the brain hates a vacuum and it can give us what it thinks we need. But the brain/mind is not supposed to change without your permission. At least that’s how most of us would have it. 

I like the Neuroplasticity dilemma more than dislike. It supports a premiss that I have leaned on heavily for decades. If I’m to really believe in anything I want it to be open ended; don't hold your breath, there may be more. It tells me; Sometimes you have a life and sometimes it has you. When I respond to the voice inside my head and the risky business of knowing anything, I concede. Yes, you and I. God is busy messing with Believers. It’s just the two of us.