CASTING OUT

Fred Phelps: his name came up over the weekend, otherwise I would not have thought about him. But Fred and his family made lots of news and got more than their share of notoriety with their Gay bashing protests. A lawyer and Baptist minister, he founded the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas. He and his congregation, made up largely of his extended family, traveled far and wide, protesting at LGBT and military funerals against Gays and D.O.D policy. I don’t think I need to elaborate on their hateful showboating. Before his passing in 2014, he could have been the most despised man in the United States.

When he died, his daughter, a lawyer as well, took over leadership and continues the Westboro crusade, if you will, as God’s agent against queers and fagots. There are two parts to this story. First, I was surprised at the time to learn that most of their income was from settlements and penalties from litigation against cities that violated their constitutional rights. That part of the story fleshed out years ago. Even if the government tried to follow the law, people, friends of the survivors, local organizations; they counter demonstrated against Fred’s faithful. Counter protesters physically kept them away from space they were entitled to and posed a physical threat to their safety. Phelps sued city after city for either denying their rights or for not protecting them from hostile counter demonstrators. The law practice of Phelps & Phelps got really good at provoking hostile reaction and profiting from the push back. In recent years the Phelps phenomenon has lost traction, notably, towns figured out what to expect and how to  circumvent law suits. But it was a money making machine for a long while. 

Humor in the other story is, if not dark then at least shaded, but humor none the less. I heard it just the other day. Several years before his demise, Fred’s mother I’m told, was exorcised by a satanic cult. There is nothing new about Pagan religion. From what I can gather, Satanic worship falls in that category with well defined dogma and practice. Several high ranking Satanic priests convened a council to create a new ritual, paralleling the Catholic tradition of  exorcism, casting out evil spirits from sinners who had been possessed. They also formalized a ceremony (Pink Mass) that would transform straight people into Gays and Lesbians. Then, on a moonlit night, when the astronomical alignment was really strong they took their pitchforks and went to the grave of Fred Phelps’ mother. There, they exorcised her heterosexual orientation. Then they performed the Pink Mass, propelling her back into the afterlife as a Lesbian. 

I heard the story last week while sharing food with some atheists I know. I don’t know if there’s any truth to the story, don’t know them well enough to call them my friends but I am comfortable in their company. They are pleasant folks, well educated, well behaved, spanning a couple of generations. I will probably hang with them again sometime. Understand: I don’t worship Satan so it’s not about me. There is probably a little “Satan” in everyone, not something I would deify. But it is a reoccurring source of smile and smirk; Fred on the other side with his mom. She’s wearing a rainbow banner and placard that reads, “God Loves Homos”. Then, in disbelief he asks her how she could do this and she tells him, “The Lord moves in mysterious ways.” I don’t know who would have been privy to that celestial conversation but I loved the story; didn’t laugh but my lip did move against my teeth.