Yesterday I posted a blog piece I called, Walk A Mile. Normally I let my writing age for a day or two before I make it public but this one got by me. Whenever, whatever you write it is worth the effort. I learn something every time I engage in the process. What looks good enough at its birth can die on the vine overnight. The end of Walk A Mile was quick and painless. The idea was good but the text could neither float nor fly. I’ll leave it in my journal but not to see the light of day. Still, the Walk A Mile notion is worth exploring.
Joe South was a really good folk/country song writer/singer. He was my age but died just a few years ago. I hadn’t known that until I started researching this piece; I learned something. His song, Games People Play won a Grammy for best song in 1970 but I remember Walk A Mile In My Shoes. The idea was that if we could see ourselves through the eyes of others, the world would be better for it. The hook in its chorus goes, “Before you accuse, criticize and abuse, walk a mile in my shoes.” At the time, long hair and rock & roll were despised by the establishment. Social commentary through his music was meant to open eyes and bring people together.
South didn’t stop with hippies and music, he shifted to walking in Native American shoes and African American shoes. If you flourish in a system that exploits and demeans others, it’s truly difficult to be objective about their hardships and the choices they have to make. My choices have always been between good and bad. I never had to choose between bad and worse. We hold each other accountable for our actions, society demands it. People at risk may have no good options and when their struggles turn into train wrecks, that's something else.
The more we learn about the human brain and how it works, old, self righteous ideas about Free Will and Self Determination become harder and harder to defend. The idea that, if I can do it anybody can, or if your neighbor can do it, you should be able as well: they are common sense assumptions that simply don’t hold water. When I needed professional help parenting one of my children, the man I leaned on told me, “Common sense is neither common nor sense.” It is like muddy water; you have no idea how deep it is. Mark Twain said, “I’ve found that common sense ain’t so common.” Albert Einstein expanded on that, “Common sense is the list of prejudices you acquire in your youth.” Walking in someone else’s shoes beats common sense all to hell. You have to step outside of your comfort zone and that takes courage. To admit that you may not be as smart, or as moral, or ethical, or correct: OMG, why is it so important to be right? Whatever the reason, it came down with us out of the trees when we first began to walk upright. It’s hard wired into our primitive brain and we can’t think our way around it. All we can do is be aware and try to compensate, like seeing through other eyes, walking in their shoes.
Joe South; he also wrote (I Never Promised You A) Rose Garden. Seems like his motivation all came from the same seed. “When you take you gotta give, so live and let live . . .” I know people who suffer from mental illness and/or addiction. Dealing with demons is tough enough without condescending ridicule; “Bad choices - you bring it on yourself.” Well, I don’t know of anyone who set out to become an addict or to self destruct. Who knows how any decision will unfold in the long term? The best laid plans of mice and men! I do know that people get beat down so low that they give up. Then it doesn’t matter. If they sink low enough it would seem it must be their own fault: that’s how common sense works. Bad choices are rewarded with punishment. If you can’t bear the weight then you need more weight. Most of us feel competent to know who deserves what and who does not; and we must be right, we can’t be wrong, getting it wrong is simply unthinkable. Some people do need to be put away in jail but others need help. I would default to Joe South. When you take you gotta give, and walk a mile in my shoes.
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