WHO & THAT

My birds (as if they were mine; the ones who/that frequent my feeder, and more importantly, water at the bird bath,) they have fresh water today. I’ll probably change it out again this afternoon. I had decided not to feed them this summer as their natural food supply is plentiful. They don’t need me loading up the feeder but it’s hot and they still need water. But I take comfort seeing them at the feeder so I streamlined it for summer and I'm back to watching them from the window. Watching a robin undress and bathe in chest deep water, if you haven't, it should be on your bucket list. Way back when; before standardized tests and ‘No Child Left Behind,’ I stole a week every year, 10 or 15 minutes at a time, assigned homework that had nothing to do with curriculum objectives and my biology class did an Ornithology unit. We covered anatomy, flight, field markings, songs. We went bird watching before and after school and everybody had to keep a log of the birds they identified. Personally, I think it was the best teaching I ever did. I had a reluctant, know-it-all boy who/that was bored to death with it. On a required trip to the woods he came running up with that wide-eyed, open-mouthed expression that teachers love to see. He was out of breath but managed, “Mr. Stevens, Mr. Stevens; we just saw a Bobolink.” I said, “In these woods?” “No.” he said, “in the field between here and the road. Black body, white back and a yellow head; what else could it be?” I said, “In the field, yes; and I suppose you want extra credit.” He grinned, I nodded and we had a convert. Birds, you’ve got to love ‘em. 

This brings me around to the Who & That thing. I wouldn’t call it a pet peeve but I always notice. If a dirt boy who/that learned to read in the army knows the difference, so should everyone who/that speaks the language. It was a long stretch with the birds and all but here we are. Who and That can be used as pronouns but ‘Who’ is usually reserved for people. ‘That’ on the other hand is used with things. (The woman who sang had hair that curled.) The common error, - The woman that sang . . .  The kid that answered the door . . . I don’t need to scream but I’d like to throw something. 

You know how important it is to be right! You look really foolish when you throw your truth out there for everyone to hear and find out you were wrong. So I went back to the grammar, for my own sake. I was right. But being right sometimes is like nailing jello to the wall. 600 years ago, Chaucer used ‘That’ as a pronoun with people as a way to downgrade their character or diminish their status. Now, generally, the rule is clear but creative as writers tend to be and dynamic as language has always been, it’s up to the writer. But it’s not a free pass. If you don't know, if you’re not wrong on purpose you're just wrong. Ignorance is in the not knowing. My writing style is casual and informal but I pay attention to the Who’s and That’s. I can be foolish with little or no effort, in any number of ways and I’m ignorant for sure. I stumble over other’s pet peeves so I beg mercy and welcome critique. 

If it’s an insult to say, ‘The man that,” would it be an upgrade to say, “The birds who.” My birds, the ones who socialize at my bird bath like Romans around the hot tub; they are making the best of a hot afternoon. You need several billion neurons with nothing better to do than format language if you want to discriminate between good grammar and low brow vernacular. We like to anthropomorphize; attribute human traits to our favorite animals. They don’t have enough spare neurons to love us the way we love them but it’s nice to pretend. I know better and bird brains are even smaller than dog’s but I’m taking the bait. The Blackbirds splashing in the water; I know they are thinking thankful thoughts. They know for a fact I drew their bath. The look on their faces tells me enough; they are special and I know they love me.