SOUNDS SO SIMPLE I JUST GOT TO GO

  Do you remember small zipper cases to hold music CD’s. Not long after that Apple came up with I-Tunes.  Downloaded songs or albums into my laptop’s hard drive. No need to keep the CDs. I have (seems like) thousands of songs on file, at my fingertips now. Some are copied from old CD’s, others I buy on line, one at a time for $1.29 each and I do that. Traveling as much as I do, I keep a dozen CD’s in a sleeve on the sun visor, made up from play lists that I have put together. I can tap into almost 17 hours of my favorites with no commercials or talk-radio. Sometimes I sing along, other times I just soak it up. 
Naming new play lists has become a challenge. The most recent went through several months of tweaking, swapping out one artist for another, shuffling the order and putting some songs back in that had been bounced early on. Then I finally burned it to CD. I call it, The Best Of - 2021.  At the end there had been 3 empty minutes left and I didn’t want to leave any dead space. Most songs, the good ones run 4 to 6 minutes. Then I was listening to a Saturday night jam on NPR and guess what rolls up unannounced; Oh, oh, Mexico. It sounds so simple I just got to go. The sun’s so hot I forgot to go home. . . James Taylor was making an argument for going back to Baja and it took 3 minutes. Awesome, a full 80 minutes of hand picked road songs.
I will stop in Mississippi on the way north. I know a guy there who gives me a good deal on cypress boards from his saw mill. I have space in the truck bed and hate to come home empty handed. At this point in the pandemic, even with the new South African variant ready to reboot the virus, I have a renewed satisfaction with  making sawdust in my wood shop. I probably have more wood now than I can ever use but still, I hate coming home with an empty truck. 

THANK YOU

  Thanksgiving Day: it has always been my favorite holiday. You don’t have to believe anything. You don’t have to take sides. You don’t need to be right and you don’t need permission. All it takes is a simple Thank You! But then again, that’s not exactly true. Gratitude and thanksgiving require a little more than an off the cuff comment or a token gesture. You have to understand how temporary and how fleeting both privilege and good fortune can be. I resist the urge to think some people deserve the good life while others do not. It is a self righteous, medieval mindset that has survived the ages. Our part in that unraveling is subject to the rule of unanticipated consequence which means whatever we get, we get. 
I am truly grateful in so many ways but today, especially today, it can sound like mindless rhetoric. A feast coming together in the kitchen, a parade on television that will transform over a commercial break into a football game, friends and loved ones checking in by phone or text, a truly long weekend and oh yes by the way; Happy Thanksgiving. I tell people all the time; seldom a morning goes by that I don’t take stock in the waking up, happy and thankful that I get another day. To be honest, as an octogenarian you can’t take any day for granted. I don’t get weeks or months to weigh and task. All I can count on is today. So setting this day apart in particular is more suited to people who think in terms of seasons and years. Life is good and today is about all I can squeeze into my schedule. With good luck I will wake up again tomorrow and we can explore that new day but it will have to wait for the wake-up. 

TROUBLE THE WATER

  Everything I’ve ever learned about writing points to the comfort and convenience of the reader. Consider your audience before you start throwing words at the page. Years ago I  belonged to a writer’s group in Michigan that had thirty to forty aspiring writers. There were a few published authors and others who earned their livings as technical writers but the rest of us were trying to hone skills, wishing someone would take notice. Those people who laid eyes on my work and offered their best advice, they identified as writer-readers. They asked questions about why this and did you think about that. We all wanted the same thing, effortless reading with good story. I don’t enjoy that luxury anymore. 
In the 21st century my following has shrunk to single digits and from that shallow pool get little or no feedback. But that's alright. I write in self defense, quoting Ellie Wiesel, writing to understand more than to be understood, and I do that. A handful of friends and family check on my blog to learn where I am, sort of like Carmen Sandiego. But with Covid pandemic my travels and activity have been curtailed. So why write at all? It is still a case of self defense, of processing ideas and making meaning. 
At this point I have very few secrets or untold stories. I read opinions and general interest articles in the news but that is how those writers earn a living. My views depend on my experience and much of that is what I read. Take my opinion and $2.60 and you can swap them for a cup of coffee. Me delving into controversy serves no purpose. I have fact-checked my feelings and conceded that by definition conservatives are not as bad as I want to believe and that progressives are probably no better. Trusting your feelings is unreliable at best and changing the way one feels about anything is a mysterious thing, more an after-the-fact discovery than an in-the-moment decision. Indirectly (or directly) religion influences discussion and generates strong opinion. Organized religion is very important, like grease on the gears for civilization to function but as individuals, one can take it or leave it, however it makes you feel. I have been leaving it. 

Now I’m getting into troubled waters. I remember Madalyn Murray O’Hair from the 1060’s, an atheist activist, committed to the separation of church and state. At the time she was generally portrayed as being both evil and unAmerican. At the time, if you were not WASP (White, Anglo-Saxon & Protestant) you began with two strikes against you. Catholics (beholding to the Pope) only had one strike, not Christian enough. I was never a Big B Believer but neither did I trouble the water. The fact that I can express doubt (unbelief) without consequence, it speaks to the times and not so much about me. That tolerance makes life a lot easier for folks like me than it was for Madalyn O’Hair. 
My grandpa was an endearing old man. He loved us and we loved him back. He was a racist misogynist but he could repeat the Lord’s Payer which, at the time, covered a multitude of sins. Racism and misogyny have both wained in my lifetime but like winter’s chill, have come back around. In terms of lifespan, mine has surpassed his by nearly a decade and I think it gives me some perspective. He enjoyed some affection but not much respect, just an old man whose time was running out. All he had to feel good about was an alcohol buzz and a few like minded bigots who thought their self righteous prejudice be ordained by God. Whatever my shortcomings they are neither gender based nor racist. My feelings stir to the phrase, Liberty & Justice For All. The All part should actually mean just that, all, everyone, every gender identity, every color, every ethnicity. So said, I understand how difficult it is to change the way you feel and like my grandpa, I don’t have any regrets in that regard. He had his compass, I have mine but we would never agree on where to find true north.
I don’t think this exercise qualifies as a Rant. It is not a spontaneous outpouring, it has been thought out and lacks passionate overkill generally associated with rants. I have even left the door open with regard to change and ideology. After all, there was a time when social conservatives were deeply rooted in the Democratic Party. Things change and I want to be part of the change rather than choke on a hardboiled loyalty that has lost its salt. I have friends (people I know and get along with) and even family who think of me as a well meaning but woefully misguided old fool. Some even pray on my behalf that I regain my senses. I can’t dismiss that chance; stranger things happen but neither would you want to bet on that possibility. Nothing new here, not really but I wouldn’t want anyone, no not anybody to misread either my compass or my purpose. 

THERE ARE LESSONS

  With good health, a modest income, some good luck and a few reliable friends, old age can be tolerated. I used to worry the money would run out before payday came. I used to fret over unnecessary meetings and redundant paper work. Of course our work gives us purpose but its weight goes well beyond purpose. I have time now in jog-gear that I never had in sprint mode. It lets me relish things that once passed under the radar. Waking up from peaceful sleep, it should not be taken for granted; thank you! Likewise, hot water on demand may be the most underrated blessing the gods ever shared with mortal man. Still, with 25 teenagers scrambling through my door at 7:22 a.m., wanting nothing more than to beat the tardy bell, it never crossed my mind. With enough age it crosses my mind and any deliverance that befalls me, it beats tolerable, it is acceptable, even embraceable. 

Tolerance may be a good starting point but I want more. Tolerate means just to put up with, to endure. Long life should yield more than endurance. I was schooled early not to take the present for granted: don’t wish your life away. That was difficult when all I wanted was to be 16 so I could drive but what do you tell a 14 year-old. Still, things change after all. No rush now to be another year older. Every breath a bridge to the next, something else not to be taken for granted, thank you! 
I have several pet rocks from the bottom of The Grand Canyon, billions of years old and I nurture them as if they need it. Fact is, they wear their age very well without my help. I am the needy one in that arrangement, just a lump of flesh with a minuscule lifespan. The stones I collect, millions of earth years may pass between their breathing in and breathing out but then neither do they fear for the next breath. 
A friend told me, “There are lessons to be learned. If we fall short, the lesson is reframed to fit another circumstance and we get it again, and again, for as many times as it takes.” I still do that, fall short and repeat a previous lesson but the years have set me up to see it coming, to better be ready. Kris Kristofferson’s song The Pilgrim sums up my condition: “. . . never knowing if believing is a blessing or a curse, or if the going up is worth the coming down.” I can’t say with confidence but if I get to choose, the coming down isn’t all bad; depends on what you do with it.
I could have written about a troubled world, about people who don't care what they do as long as they win, beat the tardy bell. Sometimes I do write about them. They are alright one on one but get them together and they start counting their money and keeping score. As ambitious as the human animal is, if we could do better we would. Civilized problems are compounded by greed, so deeply rooted in the psyche we (humankind) think it a virtue.
So my closer is this: The lesson that may take a lifetime to appreciate teaches us, “Better to light a candle than curse the darkness.” What we believe has been fashioned from someone else’s recipe and the kettle we were cooked in. It gives us a reason to make noise and push back but who questions what we’ve been groomed to believe, that might change the recipe. When my dust goes back to its mother I will be forgotten but the lesson will still be there to learn. Life is short, be nice, love who you love. Tell them so but talk is cheap. Love requires action or it is just an abstract idea and who needs more of that!