Saturday, this is day 11 of my self assigned quarantine. So far, so good. My nature naturally moves me away from the beaten path when times turn sour. When I behave other than expected, it’s not unusual for someone to ask, “What is wrong with you?” I respond, usually privately in my personal, internal dialogue, “I don’t know; let’s see, what is it that is wrong with me?” and I weigh that possibility before I return the insult. I make mistakes all the time and I think it is more about human frailty than about me personally. When shit happens I automatically consider how much worse it might have been. After all, one of my favorite sources (Buddha) said, “Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful.” Maybe that’s where I get it.
Without condescending or sounding snooty, people consider their perceptions to be both accurate and obvious. But we get all of our information through our senses, the neural gate keepers of the mind. Between raw input and perception, there are many filters for impulses to work their way through. Only then does the perception feel obvious and correct. But that sequence goes on unawares without our control. We can share the same experience with others and have very different perceptions of what just happened. But still, if we saw it and heard it in real time it’s hard to question the perception. We like to believe we have an unobstructed access to truth but all we get are perceptions.
I played baseball through my teens and college, usually on the left side of the infield but also a share of catching. At our level, you knew where the pitcher was trying to locate his pitch but calling for the low, inside corner of the plate with a fastball, the catcher best be ready to move because it can go anywhere. There are pitches that go in the dirt or out of reach overhead. One’s perception of what the catcher could have, should have done can vary greatly depending on where you are as you perceive the action. As a catcher, you want to make the difficult look easy but in the crunch you default to the first rule for all catchers, don’t let the ball get past you.
In this life, what we could or should have done generally requires some wait-time. Hindsight leans heavily on how we perceive as well but it has the benefit of instant replay. It provides a window for changing the mind after the fact. When best laid plans go in the dirt like an errant fast ball, I default to my first rule, consider myself as part of the problem. I usually have to consider an altered perception. So, what is wrong here? In any case I want to be the first to take on that question.
Quarantined, I have more time than tasks to keep me busy and that stream of consciousness is hard to corral. I goes from the mundane to the absurd, even to troubling thoughts that are hard to deflect. I’m feeling pretty good today, slept well and breakfast hit the spot. I’ll go for a walk and talk to friends on the telephone. As long as I have a wifi signal I can keep on with this blog. Three more days to conform and I can practice responsible social distancing again. Covid-19 is still a deadly presence and no matter what the President says, I’m afraid his priorities revolve around his reelection campaign while the weight of a pandemic registers somewhere below that. What’s wrong with me? Lots of imperfection there but I’ll be working on it. The fact that I will be able to go get groceries will be more satisfying than the act of shopping.
No comments:
Post a Comment