RIGHT & WRONG

Back in 2006 or 2007, I went to a National Story Telling Conference in St. Louis, Missouri. Story tellers take longer to confer than ordinary people so the conference took 5 or 6 days. Every day after the lunch break we had a general assembly with a keynote speaker. Toward the end of the week our speaker was not a story teller, not a writer, had no obvious connection with us. By his introduction he had some affiliation with the University of Missouri, selling the glory of Missouri and St. Louis in particular. His ice breaker was supposed to be humorous but it came off heavy handed with a scathing putdown on people who pronounce the state’s name with the “uh” ending rather than “ie”. He sprinkled words like ‘stupid’ and ‘uneducated’ into his rant and concluded, “Say what you will but ‘Missour-UH’ is just WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.” That really rubbed me the wrong way. Exactly why, I didn’t know but getting up and leaving felt like the right thing to do. Sure, when I’m not self editing as I speak, and sometimes even when I do, I speak ‘Missour-uh’. Monkey see, monkey do; and growing up, my people spoke ‘Missour-uh’. I can swing from either side, it is trivial and it should not have been an issue. 

Recently at my coffee klatch, someone’s friend of a friend came in and sat down with us. Being cordial, everybody gave him an ear and he liked the sound of his own voice. Being judgmental is one thing, connecting dots is another and I try not to judge. In either case I didn’t care much for him; nothing negative so much as nothing positive. Next thing I know, he was knee deep into the Missour-ie - Missour-uh  squabble with pointed insults and condescending distain for Missouri-uh speakers.  I kept my mouth shut for as long as I could, maybe 2 minutes. Then I offered an observation that language is dynamic, evolving, ever changing and its function is good communication. Then I embellished that view; When I say ‘Missour-uh’, nobody thinks I meant Minnesota or Montana. They get it. It begs the question; why is it so important that you belittle others for using at worst, a simple colloquialism? The man squirmed a little but took the last word, adding with a presumption of authority, “It’s just wrong.” 

The word ‘Epiphany’ when used in other than a religious context means, an illuminating discovery. The man’s little retort had dealt me an epiphany. I’m old but I never stopped reading, never stopped asking questions, never stopped studying. I wasn't any smarter than before but my education never stopped and I was better armed, better informed than a decade earlier with the St. Louis bigot. 

Everyone has a moral construct. The matrix for morality evolved along with our ability to do math and write poetry. Morality is about the perception of Right & Wrong. Morals vary from person to person but the neural network and the process of acquisition are universal. The 1st category of morality is 'Belonging' and 'In-group Loyalty'. It’s older than tribalism, it's where the highest order of belonging was the family clan. Survival depended on clan loyalty and belonging was the key. Moral #1, Be true to your family, it’s the Right thing to do. By nature of our emotions and the language we use, being Wrong about anything carries with it a moral caveat. So it’s not only ‘Who’s your mama?’ but it’s also, ‘Where are you from?’ If you are a neighbor, if we know you at all, that works to your benefit. Strangers are dangerous, most likely an enemy. It is so deeply rooted we don't think about our roots but we want to know where people are from.

Even though we’ve come a long way baby, our emotional set is essentially the same as our Stone Age ancestors. What we believe about ourselves doesn’t have to be true, it just has to work to our satisfaction. If someone knowingly mispronounces your name, there is every reason to believe it’s an expression of disrespect. That sense of identity goes hand & glove with group loyalty. When it happens, we feel a need to push back. If you truly identify, loyal to the core with your state, it can feel like an insult that has to be answered. If the offended person doesn’t understand the moral implication it doesn’t change the feeling. So ‘Missour-uh’ isn’t just incorrect, it’s Wrong; not Right, but Wrong. Incorrect can be corrected but being Wrong is a moral failure. Being ‘Right’ is just as potent. Being Right validates us. Even if the feeling is predicated on bias and flawed information, that righteous feeling satisfies a moral need. Civilization has given us technology and sky scrapers but human nature is still in a cave. It doesn’t have to be true, it just has to work for us. 

The fact that I understand this scenario does not make me immune to it. Humans are inherently beset with human nature. It is hard wired into the brain. Even if we believe we can overcome human nature with discipline and logic, we can not. In those cases we perceive an objective attitude but view the reality with a subjective eye. 

My impatience with both the St. Louis bigot and the coffee shop bore are driven by my own moral sense of Rightness. I’m sure I’m Right but then, truth be known, I would be the last to know. Like Pit Bulls, when we feel moral high ground beneath out feet, we bite down on the bone even harder. The next time someone belittles us ‘Missour-uh’ speakers, I should just tell them to go suck a lemon, or its 4-letter, vernacular equivalent. But that would corrupt me in a different moral category; Fairness & Reciprocity. For me to feel morally Right, I need to afford others the same courtesy and tolerance I would expect from them: Do unto others. But on the Right & Wrong thing, I think I am both Right and correct.