I THINK I THINK

Sometimes, when I think i’m thinking, a little, wannabe thought spins off like a lug nut from a loose wheel. Sometimes those ideas die on the vine but other times they take on lives of their own. I want to know how things work, almost anything, everything, maybe a case of incurable curiosity. Things like the Butterfly Effect set me off on knowledge quests. Butterfly Effect; where small, seemingly unrelated, insignificant forces (Butterflies) combine to help shape a large effect somewhere else (Hurricanes). Knowledge quest makes it sound courageous if not noble, like Amundsen’s quest to reach the South Pole. But quests come in all sizes, some no more than a pizza quest that sends you to the kitchen. I want to know how solar panels work and the way bore tides make rivers flow upstream. One thing leads to another. 

Recently; of course at my age “Recently” is a relative term. In this case several years is recent. I've been focused on understanding the Human Condition. On our evolutionary journey from cave to condo, being self aware has never been enough. Humans want to know why we're here and why we behave like we do. Can you imagine how deeply Jung and Maslow might have explored the subconscious if they had CAT Scan or PET Scan technology. But they were standing on the shoulders of Freud and Nietzsche and now we are standing on theirs. I’m too old to really go digging there but shuffling around the surface leaves me feeling good. 

When it comes to thinking, people may know better but we still default to a Stone Age mentality. 
The brain's role with heart rate, digestion and breathing is automatic, we don't have control and that doesn't seem to bother us. But when it comes to the thought process and conscious behavior we can’t give up on our divine responsibility, that's when it starts to feel like we're thinking. It is common knowledge in the neuroscience community that there is a system of checks & balances between the conscious and the subconscious that we can not over ride. One simply can not decide how to weigh evidence or stretch the comfort zone without the subconscious’ approval. It works like GPS on a self driving car. Then there’s Confabulation, a well researched mental glitch. But the human ego - civilization for that matter isn’t ready for that. Memory is not like a video that records everything verbatim. When one tries to recall something, anything that is either incomplete or unavailable, the mind can  fabricate and substitute plausible, pseudo memory. It may be vivid but it may also be fiction. It's a lot like someone having pain in a leg that has been amputated. It really goes against the grain to question memory and not very many try. Learning about confabulation blew me away. It keeps begging the same question; How then do we know anything?

 I do believe in self awareness, creative and critical thought but the best I can do by myself is to think I think. If there is a silver bullet it would be Science; redundant, experimental protocol and relentless, peer review. But that takes time and as a species we are not very patient. David Brooks, a columnist/pundit for the New York Times wrote a column back in 2012 about taking credit. I paraphrase; When we’re young we live as if success and failure hang on the decisions we make. That is how it should be, not because it’s true but because motivation requires a sense of  purpose and control. When you grow old, with 20/20 hindsight, you realize we have always been pawns in a bigger game and that decisions are more about the environment and our options than about us.