Facebook makes me crazy. I just read a ‘Share’ or a ‘Like’, I don’t know but the guy starts out, “I have to laugh at people who are against spanking.” It goes on, predictably, outlining how he got spanked plenty when he was a kid, how he learned respect and still loves his parents; he wasn’t abused, merely disciplined. He implies, this is what’s wrong with kids now, no respect for anyone; we should spank discipline into our kids. The post makes it sound wholesome, great support for parents who practice corporal punishment.
I was disciplined by spanking, always loved and respected my parents but not because of spanking. The two things I learned from spanking-discipline were, ‘Don’t get caught’ and, ‘If you can’t have your way some other way, violence is acceptable.’ As a young teacher I learned quickly, what is being taught isn't always what is being learned. As a strategy for controlling children’s behavior spanking is easy, efficient and done with. But how many adults actually punish for the purpose of teaching respect and responsibility? It’s a slippery slope and I’m afraid it’s more often about anger and frustration. Prisons are full of violent people who learned it from their parents.
What you do is your business; my well adjusted, respectful kids are grown. I quit spanking shortly after I began. There are other ways to teach responsibility and respect. Discipline does not require punishment. You have to be at least as smart as a kid. Discipline time is always at an inconvenient time, you have to sacrifice your own time still, the time and energy you invest in framing those lessons says something about the way you value kids. They are no different than we were at their age. They test the boundaries and give back in kind what they receive. The difference between spanking and beating kids is better determined from the receiving end of the hand, paddle, belt, spoon, etc. If spanking works for your kids, good for you but it’s not a silver bullet. It’s where an authoritarian ego takes you. I don’t need it, neither did my kids.
I was disciplined by spanking, always loved and respected my parents but not because of spanking. The two things I learned from spanking-discipline were, ‘Don’t get caught’ and, ‘If you can’t have your way some other way, violence is acceptable.’ As a young teacher I learned quickly, what is being taught isn't always what is being learned. As a strategy for controlling children’s behavior spanking is easy, efficient and done with. But how many adults actually punish for the purpose of teaching respect and responsibility? It’s a slippery slope and I’m afraid it’s more often about anger and frustration. Prisons are full of violent people who learned it from their parents.
What you do is your business; my well adjusted, respectful kids are grown. I quit spanking shortly after I began. There are other ways to teach responsibility and respect. Discipline does not require punishment. You have to be at least as smart as a kid. Discipline time is always at an inconvenient time, you have to sacrifice your own time still, the time and energy you invest in framing those lessons says something about the way you value kids. They are no different than we were at their age. They test the boundaries and give back in kind what they receive. The difference between spanking and beating kids is better determined from the receiving end of the hand, paddle, belt, spoon, etc. If spanking works for your kids, good for you but it’s not a silver bullet. It’s where an authoritarian ego takes you. I don’t need it, neither did my kids.
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