WIESEL

“I write as much to understand as to be understood.” This quote is a favorite, going there to weigh ideas. It’s like assembling a jigsaw puzzle; you can’t perceive the whole of Denali or Grand Canyon in little pieces. It requires a construct that has been debugged, one that has continuity. What I take from Elie Wiesel’s observation is; sometimes I have to discover what it is that I’m about and writing is an humble means of exploring the animal. 

All I can bring to a conversation is what I draw from inherited DNA and from what I have acquired. That’s it; that’s all there is. Since we are all unique in both heredity and experience, it’s no wonder we have different views on so many issues. Then, our culture has a way of pounding square pegs into round holes so that we conform without thinking at all. There is a lot of that going on with a 24/7 media barage of polarized politics and fundamentalist religion. 

When I was in graduate school I had to take a no-brain education class that lost its way and became a very good philosophy class. We took on the idea of ‘Thought’.  What does it require to think? The professor made the distinction between thinking and remembering. He suggested; thought requires we consider old meanings in new or different context to come up with modified or new meaning or, use new information to formulate new understanding. In either case, if you’re not after something new or different, it’s just remembering. If all we do is reinforce old correlations and old meanings we ignore the possibility for change and that’s not thinking. Neil deGrasse Tyson suggests five simple rules for getting at the truth.

1. Question Authority; great start, straight from Buddha. For certain, question the good judgment of your leaders and of long established tradition.
2. Think For Yourself; Question yourself (think vs. remember) The fact that you want to believe something should send up a red flag. Believing doesn’t make it so and we are vulnerable to what makes us comfortable.
3. Observe, Experiment and Analyze Evidence; It’s not an ideology; it's a process.
4. Follow The Evidence; when the evidence conflicts with what you want to believe, stay with the evidence; the other option is blind leading blind. Popular opinion is a leaky boat without a rudder.
5. Remember - You Could Be Wrong; quest for truth doesn’t end with the last fact.  When you learn more or better, you change accordingly. Truth is a moving target, as much in the way you get there as it is an answer.

I have friends on both sides of popular issues who believe they are thinkers but are in fact culturally programmed rememberers. They take comfort in sound bites that were crafted by lackeys, in closed meetings, paid for by leaders, who see leadership as a mandate to do as they please. When you are out of sync with both sides in a mainstream debate you feel lonely. I am stuck on an issue nobody else considers an issue. It is so fundamentally ingrained into western culture that it never, ever comes into question. The sanctity of human life is both a moral conviction and a cultural premiss that elevates human beings to something slightly less than God.  In that rarefied air, the value of any and all human life is intrinsically sacred, precious, requiring a high degree of dignity. From experience I understand how cultural pressure would have us believe it. Along with sentient, self awareness comes a self obsessed ego, vanity, conceit and selfishness. The sanctity clause goes a long way to soften the guilt of human hubris. It plays straight into Deist religion, appealing to the same self absorbed mentality. We are so special because of who we are and our sophisticated attributes that everything else in creation can be subordinated. Whatever we want to do with or to anything, we are so near God-like that we are justified. That stretch is too much right now for me to get my head around. 

The minute you step back, and you do have to step back,  to consider the alternative, it scares you to death. We are animals. We are animals with uniquely evolved features, skills and mind. We have been able to fashion for ourselves in just a few thousand years a world that not only favors human sovereignty but discriminates systematically against anything that appears to be an inconvenience. In the short span of our species line we are at the two year-old stage, just learned how exercise our own selfish whims. We have developed a pecking order among ourselves that waxes righteous principles on one hand and practices genocide on the other. Buried somewhere in the human, collective conscience is a need to feel justified in what we do. At the root of all religion is the principle of, ‘Do unto others . . .’ But jealous, angry Gods conveniently leave wiggle room to do whatever you must to satisfy your appetite. We are animals and we value human life only as long as it suits our immediate need. The idea of sanctity, if rescinded, would not diminish humanity. It would elevate all life, from whales and elephants who demonstrate human behaviors too complex to be dismissed, to algae, even bacteria. Life is shaped by a magical, natural process. Energy and matter combine in systems that not only metabolize raw materials but use them to replicate themselves. The Bible gets the ‘Begat’ part correctly. 

So, what does this mean to me? I am human and I can’t change that, even if I wanted to. I see too many flaws and inconsistencies in the ‘Sanctity of Life’ model to believe in the ‘God-Religion’ construct but I understand why everybody else does. I’ll keep questioning myself, keep looking for new, better information. But this life is way-too short and I’m way-too far along on its journey to expect much. So I’ll go with the wind that blows ‘Do unto others . . .’  and I’ll hold onto the collective conscience that favors cooperation to competition. This life is the only one I’ll ever know and most of it is spent. What I have left I want to feel good about after all, I am human. 

'PLACE IN TIME'

Back in the early 90’s I helped supervise an 8th grade field trip to Mount Washington Cemetery in Independence, Missouri. We were recording dates, epitaphs, family names, etc. for a social studies project. Tucked away near the front entrance was a memorial and head stone for James Bridger. I recognized the name; the 19th Century mountain man but knew little more. Curiosity moved me to read his biography, a great read, full of facts, details, a large part of western history. His story spans a period roughly from the Louisiana Purchase to several years after Custer’s defeat at the Little Bighorn. Born in Virginia, as a youth he had been indentured by his father to a blacksmith in St. Louis. The 17 year-old saw no future in St. Louis and stole away with a hundred other volunteers on General Wm. Ashley’s Upper Missouri Expedition. It was 1822; other fur companies were working the Missouri and its head waters and Ashley wanted part of the action. His, Rocky Mountain Fur Company, often referred to as ‘Ashley’s 100’  was a grand adventure. Besides Jim Bridger, other volunteers on that expedition who achieved fame as mountain men were Hugh Glass and Jedediah Smith. Bridger was able to prevail for over 40 years in the Rocky Mountain wilds as America moved west. Trapper, explorer, guide, scout, trader, businessman, his accomplishments are legend. There were many like him, who turned their backs on civilization in favor of a solitary life, physical hardship and constant danger. But it was Bridger who literally watched it all unfold and returned to tell his story. 

Joseph Campbell died in the 1980’s but still gets the nod when it comes to myth and mythology. His book, ‘Hero With A Thousand Faces’ details the hero’s journey, the making of a hero. In ancient pre-history the hero was usually a warrior who goes out to fight the dragon or the enemy. That ‘Going Out’ may take many years to complete. In the process the warrior experiences perilous encounters and returns a changed man. In the end, the hero is revered more so for his wisdom, leadership and life changing influence on his people than for the winning. Campbell’s model is just that, a model, not the rule. Heroes have no gender requirement and the journey may be internal, intellectual, emotional or psychological rather than physical. It’s all about the ‘Going Out’, the ‘Journey’ and the ‘Coming Back’ a different person, experienced and revered. If this is the measure of a Hero, then I submit that Jim Bridger is a hero of the highest order. 

On a road trip in 2007 I stopped in the little town of Fort Bridger, Wyoming. When JB returned to Missouri in the mid 1860’s, Ft. Bridger was refitted as a military post. A small town sprang up around it that still exists. The army fort is the basis for a state park. Besides the old army buildings, a short walk to the edge of Little Black’s Fork, a replica of the old trading post has been rebuilt on the same spot where Jim Bridger traded with the indians, where pilgrims stopped for supplies, repairs and advice. I spent several hours there. Nothing remained of the original structure except enough evidence of old footings to be sure the new version occupied the same space. But the cross-log construction, mud chinking and sod roof are convincing. One building houses the trading post and the blacksmith forge; the other was Bridger’s living quarters and storage space. 

There is something about ‘Place’ in ‘Time’ that allows us to touch the past. Wherever I may be, in that moment, everything that happens there belongs to my experience. It is my Place in Time. But time is made up of fluid moments that pass so quickly the only way you remember one is by what happened in that split second. Place on the other hand is concrete, fixed so you can return to it later and recall what happened there, imagine what certainly took place in someone else's time. First Nation’s people who still honor the ‘Old Way’, have their own sacred places, some from the history of their ancestors and some from their own personal journey. Even though you can’t restore the moment, a sacred ‘Place’ can rekindle old flames. It works for me all the time. Just a few weeks ago I sat in the sand at Red Wall Cavern in Grand Canyon. John Wesley Powell, 145 years earlier, the one-armed Civil War veteran explored Grand Canyon in a wooden oar boat, not knowing what lay ahead. He did it right there under the same canyon walls, the same stretch of water, stopping at the same beach where I sat. It is a special place both in Powell’s experience and in mine. Across time we felt the same sense of awe for Red Wall Cavern and I loved it. Two weeks ago I stopped again at Fort Bridger. I stood at the bellows of the forge and imagined him repairing broken wagon wheels. I passed through the gate where a Mormon party passed, sent there by Brigham Young to murder Bridger. But he had been warned and was not to be found. 

I would not want to live his life, exciting as it was; who would want to wade icy streams, fight off wild animals and go without a tooth brush for a lifetime? But I do try to identify with his adapting to conditions as they change. He was a renowned storyteller and I connect with that. We, JB and I, have shared the ‘Place’ connection three times and each time I’ve come away a little richer. If I need a Hero, I don’t need to look any farther. 

MOON GAZING

Last night we observed a rare, ‘Super Blood Moon’ eclipse. It was way-cool, watching the earth’s shadow creep across a moon-so-bright, I had to squint to look straight into it. Under the full shadow, it had in fact a reddish cast. Last night was also the night I met my 19 yr-old granddaughter's man, if you will. I didn’t ask but I presume that John is older than she is, like 25 or 26, has a reliable job, his own home and seems to be alright. I concede to the nature of grandparents when sizing up potential mates for their grand kids; nobody is quite good enough. We watched the lunar eclipse at his place. While watching the moon and seeing the kids, acting more like an old married couple than kids, I thought about a series of novels I read back in the 1970’s, 'The Kent Family Chronicles.' It was the ongoing saga of one man’s journey and by extension, his descendants as they stumbled and plunged through American history. From one generation to the next, through 13 volumes, beginning before the American revolution and spanning World War 2; I was dragged through historically correct times with one Kent or another. It was a good read with historical details that filled in lots of holes in the story of our country. 

As much as it entertained and informed, what lingers from that experience is something I discovered in me rather than what I was reading. A realization kept reoccurring, in every succeeding generation. Whether or not that particular Kent descendant was noble or corrupt, powerful or not, loved or hated; the patriarch, Philip Kent from the first episode was no longer a part of the story. The unfolding odyssey and its characters had little or no correlation to the trials and triumphs of their predecessors. What Jakes did was to introduce characters as children who would assume major roles in later episodes. Then, his task was to slip them into the historical setting as current events required. Each new character fit a new, different story that would stand alone, without the Kent legacy. The Kent legacy as it turns out was simply the unfolding, regardless of where it was going, it had noting to do with what Philip Kent loved or hated, what he did or did not do. 

I think one’s life experience is analogous to a very long string of beads, and any particular bead on the string by nature of its size or color or texture can change the course of its story. Simple things like an innocent kiss or being caught in the rain or losing your keys; they can mark a change in direction that completely changes the story. Our stories all begin at birth but conditions surrounding that event can range from one extreme to another. Still that is the starting point, the backstory has already been established and we have no control over that part. But from then on, our beads are arranged by what we do and by the cards life deals you. It sets the new stage, in the present and we have a new role, with our own lines. Shakespeare knew as well as anyone, “All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts.”  Even though our lines are born in our mouths, in the moment, they are not always of our choosing. Between our entrance and exit, life propels us. We get a few chances to choose our lot and pursue a noble purpose but mostly we simply move in a direction that favors pleasure and avoids pain. 

Moon watching the other night, we observed all the good manners and mutual respect. We are nice people, what else? But I drove away thinking about Philip Kent. What, and when did he think about his part in the way his grandchildren aspired and believed, if at all. Still his story was no longer The Story. When he phased out they would have been stringing beads of their own for a long time and his story would be no more than the stuff of, ‘Trivial Pursuit'. Imagine actors, fighting, trying to convince writers to keep their story at the front, even after they exit, rather than the ones coming up the pipe. That isn’t how it works. In Shakespeare’s time, in Philip Kent’s time, in my time, The Story is the one that has action and a future waiting to unfold. So my impression of the new ‘Man’ is nothing more, nothing less than an old man’s take on what is really none of his business; a footnote on a filed away, forgotten page. If her ‘Man’ fits the stereotype of a classic, Knee-jerk Redneck who trusts polarized talk-radio and FOX News for his world view; not my choice but then who am I to object? I’m just the has been whose story is winding down. I take a little comfort in Shakespeare’s line, “. . . in his time one man plays many parts.” Maybe one of us will change. I do trust Gibran when it comes to wisdom and it was Gibran who wrote about children; that they are life’s longing for itself, though they come through us they belong not to us. He said that we can peer through the window into their future but we can’t go there with them. Whatever happens, happens but those beads are on a different string. My string of beads is my story, the one I live and I’m still threading beads as best I can. All I hope for, for my grandchildren, is that when they grow old they can be grateful that life has given them a good ride. 

CONNECTING DOTS

I listened to a radio interview toady, a middle age lady who is a Lutheran minister. What set her apart was that she was a spiky haired, heavily tattooed, former alcoholic, stand up comic who swore like a truck driver and defied convention. After completing a 12 step sobriety program she followed an interest in theology, went to seminary and came out the other end an ordained minister. Mainline clergy were slow to approve but none of them could fault anything about her academic preparation. Her new purpose was to serve her people; addicts, drag queens, LGBT and others who were down and struggling in Denver, CO. 

What struck me about the conversation was her view on Faith. She thought it a gift; that you can not acquire it of your own initiative, that praying for it is a waste of time. She quoted Martin Luther, the namesake of her church and I thought of the movie, ‘Angels & Demons’ when the cleric asks Tom Hanks if he believes in God. Hanks reply, “Faith is a gift I have yet to receive.” We all have hopes (wanna-be Faith) and behave as we must but Luther said that Faith is the intersection between what we believe and what God moves us to do. Thus follows his premise, “Faith without works is dead.” God’s moving us is the gift. It underscores the Calvinist principle of predestination. Theologians have massaged and twisted that little problem so thoroughly that now they can have it both ways. 

I have resorted to connecting-the-dots without the benefit/burden of religion. For much of my life I trusted religion to be the dot-connector but I no longer pour water down that hole. I use what I understand via logic and reason. I trust critical analysis. Then I accept that there is a breech between what can be calculated and what can not. We know that emotion/feelings move us at a deeper level than does knowledge. “Passion drives and logic follows.” David Hume, 19th century, Scottish philosopher resisted this conclusion for decades but in the end, had to accept it. Modern research has corroborated his thoughts in a much more timely process. Joseph Campbell said that ‘God’ is the metaphor we use for the mystery in our lives; what we can’t deny but don’t understand. In the end I try to find balance and go with what feels right, knowing that everything changes. A fundamental flaw with Western Religion is the need for absolute, universal truths, which is not so bad in itself but they want it right now and that’s a problem. As truth evolves we update our knowledge base and move a step closer to the elusive absolute. It takes time. A human lifetime may seem long when viewed from within but it’s just a blink, a single frame in a very long movie. We get neither the credit nor the satisfaction of knowing who-done-it.

The tattooed, lady minister was a good interview and it made me think. I hope the radio station wrote her a nice check. My gut feeling is that her Faith would pass Martin Luther’s test; without works it doesn’t float. Her purpose is to nurture her flock and God is her instrument. My evangelical counterparts believe that pleasing God is their purpose and to be his instrument, all they have to do is believe. I cannot escape the tug of my culture or the myth it sprang from but I can resist it. I know beau coups more than my forebears  about where the sun goes when it sets. Watching the sun sink behind a familiar lighthouse, I feel much the same as Ferdinand Magelland must have felt on some unexplored shore but I look for truth to Campbell and Sagan who did the math first. 

TREE HUGGER

In the summers of 2009 & ’10 I was an ‘In Park Volunteer’ at Kenai Fjords National Park. My job was Interpretation; I was one of the folks who led guided hikes, presented educational programs and reminded visitors of park rules. The only difference between my job and the Smokey Bear Rangers was the color of our uniforms and the pay. One day on a trail near the visitor’s center a man with a foreign accent motioned to me. His English was rough but his message was clear. He did not like the United States or Americans particularly but he loved our National Parks. He said they were the one thing that we got right, that the rest of the world looks to us to see how National Parks should be done. I agreed with him on the parks and thanked him for his input. Our National Parks rock. 

A century back, when the idea was just beginning to manifest itself at Yosemite and Grand Canyon, corporations coveted them. The Santa Fe Railroad built a rail connection and a 5 star hotel on the south rim of Grand Canyon. They envisioned it as their private, prototype theme park. Thank goodness it didn’t play out that way. The mission of National Park Service is abbreviated to the three P’s; Preserve and Protect our national treasures and only then, facilitate the public’s Pleasure. At about the same time, Congressman William Kent, from California, purchased 600 acres north of San Francisco. His intent was to protect old growth redwoods from loggers saws and from development. Developers threatened to use laws of ‘Eminent Domain’ to gain control over the valley but Kent sidestepped their scheme by donating the land to the government, making it a federal possession rather than private. President Teddy Roosevelt declared the land a National Monument, insuring its protection. They named the patch of redwoods for John Muir, the leading environmental activist of his time. In this case Kent and Roosevelt got it right. Today, you can walk the boardwalk under those giants or hike hillside trails that let you look through the canopy. All you have to do is go, do it. 

I love trees in the first place; you don’t have to sell me on the idea. I am a ‘Tree Hugger’ of the 1st degree, literally. As a biology teacher, one of my favorite lessons was leaf collection and identification. At some point you have to hug them if you intend to climb very high and I been climbing from an early age. Then again, the name implies a smug if not condescending slur against anyone who favors balance and preservation in natural habitats as opposed to their profitable exploitation. I am predisposed to that view as well. Concern for the Spotted Owl and Rainbow Darters blocked logging operations and hydroelectric development a few decades back. Those who stood to profit from development were outraged and thus coined the insult. I am not insulted. Not that those creatures are all that important in and of themselves but they do act as the ‘Canary in the mine. . .’ to signal dangerous, undetected changes in the system. The health and well being of coal mine canaries was certainly high on their list of priorities but that wasn't about the bird; it was about coal miners and ultimately, profit. 

I’ve been to Muir Woods before and I was there recently with people I care deeply about. Just to be present with trees who were alive, casting their own huge shadows when Genghis Kahn was plundering Persia and England's King John was forced to sign the Magna Carta at Runnymede; it gives me pause. We walked the valley floor then hiked the hillsides. We ate lunch in the shade of giant redwoods and watched people of many nationalities, speaking their own languages, all wide eyed and smiling. Money mongers can flourish in a vacuum, wherever there are other addicts playing their game, but they can do it without destroying our irreplaceable, natural treasures. I’m hugging trees, everywhere I go and it gives me great pleasure.  

FRUIT HANGS HEAVY ON THE VINE

It’s interesting how we stumble through life, believing the hype, thinking we are the captains of our own destiny. I think we are like chicken in the pen who peck the ground wherever they please and lay an egg when they feel like it. I am on the road now, going on three weeks and I am roughly where I thought I”d be but the bumps and turns have lives of their own; they are what I live for. The other day we stopped at Lime Kiln Beach, on the Coast Hwy just a little south of Big Sur, California. It’s a special place for my daughter and me; we camped here in ’89. We walked again in the salt-&-pepper sand and took photographs but the tide was coming in; the only safe venue was to stand at the boundary between hot-dry and cool-wet sand, letting the runout from crashing surf spill over our toes. Rip tides and undertow would make short work of any careless wader. 

I was taking photos of ocean spray and pelicans when Sarah noticed birds circling about a quarter mile out. She saw the telltale blow, then the breach; humpbacks were feeding. People were stopped up and down the highway at all the turnouts, standing on the cliffs, watching them feed on schools of sardines. We watched from the beach. They swim in circles around the school, crowding the small fish into giant ‘meatballs’. Then two or three whales dive down and come up the funnel with mouths open, breaching the surface with hundreds of pounds of fish for their effort. We watched again and again, until our time grew short and we had to move on up the coast. We were on our way north, to San Francisco while the whales are headed south to Baja for the winter. I watched humpbacks feeding in ’09 & ’10 off the coast of Alaska; who knows, maybe the same pod. The more we learn about whales and their seagoing relatives the more we have to accept that we are not the only thinking, communicating, cooperating, rational creatures to share creation. 

At the same time, on the road, I’ve been listening to good music. Kate Wolf was a song writer from the 70’s & 80’s with a wonderful talent, who died too young.  But before she died she left us with ‘Here In California’, a song loaded with metaphor. Not just about taking your time falling in love but also about living in the moment and finding the joy, whenever and wherever it rises up to meet us; it spoke to me of loving whales from a distance, of awe for the power of the sea and surf and taking comfort in its cool, wet sand. 

‘. . . fruit hangs heavy on the vine,

There ain’t no gold, I thought I’d warn you,

and the hills turn brown in the summertime.’

ZOROASTER

My daughter Sarah and I just finished an eight day raft float through the Grand Canyon. I can report on the two of us with detailed accuracy but to write about the canyon, you really can’t do that. It defies language; anything you say comes out either trite or cliche, inadequate at best, just words. I made the trip in 1992 with a National Science Foundation program at Norther Arizona University so I had some experience but the ride then was as much about collecting research data on the canyon corridor as it was about adventure. I understood the harsh conditions and what the ‘ditch’ can do to your psyche, day after day after day. As we enjoyed the float together all I could do was enjoy and watch Sarah progress through that learning curve. 

We both took lots of photographs and the plan is for me to take her journal notes and assemble a book about our Grand Canyon adventure. In 1997 I told her we would raft the Grand as a graduation present and it’s taken eighteen years to get our calendars and assets aligned but this is the year. There were twenty one people in the party, two boats with giant, inflatable pontoons, three boatmen (gender bias considered, Rachel was considered a boatman) and the head man’s eleven year old son. 

Without falling into the cliche trap I’ll say this; floating the Grand isn’t for everyone but everyone should be so lucky. Conditions are extreme. After the second day you are in a state of combined exhaustion and awe, day after day after day. Righteous believers see God in every bend of the river while heretics see the nature of nature, and they sit together in the splash and the wind and heat and the sand and agree without reservation that it is truly wonderful. Hiking the side canyons and trails involve steep climbs with scrambles over rock formations and tight-roping narrow ledges. At the top you usually have only a few minutes to take in the beauty and catch your breath, then the hike back down is always as difficult as the climb up. The going up burns your thighs while the coming down beats knees and feet into submission. The potential for disaster is in every step you take but you knew that before you started.

I must admit that I am a bit of a thief. In ’92 we all understood that it is against the rules to pick up archeological, geological artifacts but if you are a science educator and plan to use them in your classes, there is a wink-wink, nod-nod and they look the other way. This year I made sure my daughter got a little piece of Zoroaster Granite from the deepest depth of the canyon. Basement rock exposed there is dated at 1.2 billion years, some of the oldest rock on the planet that you can put your hands on. Vishnu Schist is equally old, usually layered on top of the granite. The schist cracks and fractures allowing molten granite to fill the gaps from below. In the deep granite gorges of the canyon you can see lighter colored bands and fingers of granite streaking up out of the water, up the black walls of Vishnu Schist and you try to get your head around the idea of a billion years.

We both have this trip under out belt now, both hoping we can come back again someday. I know that my days for hiking the really, really difficult trails are behind me but I’ve done them and I can live with that. I will be happy to play in the warm run off water pools and take photos of lizards and butterflies. Younger folks can stretch themselves, proving they are equal to the ancient people who made those climbs daily but we know we will never be equal to them. This was their normal and we have a hotel room and a hot shower reserved for the end of the week.